today's the 30th. Not that it bears any kind of significance to me. But im feeling very apprehensive about the new year that is approaching. 2003 seems so scarey. so many possibilities. so much unknown. argh. im sounding so much like some kind of psycho or someone who suffers from some kind of phobia of the future. Itz just that 2002 has treated me bad. Real bad. ya, of course it bought some good. But the good has been totally washed down, drowned out, by all the baaaaad.
let me take this moment to recall all that have past............
(recycled from an earlier post heh. but added stuff.)
JAN-FEB was spent @ srjc...i must admit it was fun.my classmates were a different bunch of people...first time i experienced sch life outside of PL....the volleyball sessions.the stupid dance audition..ooh! and that horrible tennis trial..i mean, what was i thinking?...ha,actually im glad i went thru all that.
MARCH...i was alrdy pon-ing sch.ha! such stupid girl i was(or still am?)...when you're in a jc for the 1st 3mths...you tend to pick out all the faults..and proclaim that xxxxJC sucks and that you are definately not gonna stay(unless of course you're in the top 5 jcs...)anyway there i was...poning sch like no body's business..up to a point where my CT had to call me up. decided to officially quit sch to stop her from bugging me over the phone.end of march..got the dreadful results..16..hmph..i was aiming for a 12 or better.where on earth can a 16 bring me? cj of cuz..sr was out the question..how cld i go back there?
APRIL-MAY was spent trying to adjust to reality.2mths to adjust?yes it was that hard.
friend:"so kat,howz cj?"
me:"ok loh."
friend:"ur class?"
me:"ok loh."
friend:"how many guys?"
me:*stick out my fingers and toes,and start to count*"hm,abt 16"
friend:"wa! den how many girls?"
me:"let's see..if i add myself..it comes up to a grand total of 3 girls in my class"
friend:"...."
what theeeeeee???? so little za borrrrrr in my classssss? i will dieeee...what abt girl-bonding?what abt emergency pad needs?what abt honing my group hearding instinct of mass toilet migration?
actually it was getting better...not great fun but can survive.....barely heh.
JUNE i realised i wanted out.out of cj...into the wonderful world of poly.next to jc...poly seemed to be perfect.freedom..no one to bug you.no one to scold u.no one naggin at you...its you on your own...cant weally remember what i did in june. but towards the end i got real panicky.I didnt know a single thing about organic chem. or circular measure or mathematical induction and my common test was upon me.
JULY (aka the dark ages)-During this dark period of my life. i totally felt like S H I T. i think no other word can describe it better. I went to school with a single objective---to get the hell out of there.(ironic eh?) Anyhows, my CT results were out and yes, u've guessed it- F F F. no im not sprouting profanities. that's my grades.
AUGUST cant really recall much. Only National day.spent it with jo. it was the 1st time i saw fireworks haha.sua ku? maybe...but i remember that day was such a nice,happy one. oh ya, i gave up the dream of poly. And pursued my new dream of getting a place in another jc (be4 i get kicked out of cj) rather shamelessly. Called up yj, got a place.And from then now,felt a teeny weeny bit better. A fresh new start was definately welcomed my dark ages.
SEP-OCT promos. i took some pprs.and sat out on some. my results? F F F. haha. my records oso states i was absent for 15days and late twice. Some of my classmates were rather shocked when they saw my records. they were like "u sure not?15 days only meh?!" They claimed i had this pattern for not coming to sch, come on the short days and pon on the long ones. makes alot of sense don't you think? When i do go to sch, i dun get the hi-s and hello-s, i get the dramatised "shocked" look and dumb,sarcastistic comments like "new girl ah?" "what's ur name again?" "damn,i lost the bet" "are u sure ure in the correct class?"
arghhhhh...stupid guys.they like to get on my nerves... kick their hairy butts!
FASTFORWARD. to now. holidays have come and gone. 30th...we're kinda like on the bridge..crossing over to 2003. i weally weally weally weally hope that 2003 treats me better.
On the bridge, make new years resolution ya?
My sis's resolution for 2003 are...
1: to finally rid of her "tiny" spare tyre
2: to not bear grudges.
pretty good resolutions dun u think?
i'll ponder on mine later....
HEY!!!!!! 2003 has loads of good movies!!! *excited* lets see...they have legally blonde 2, charlie's angels 2, the matrix reloaded, terminator 3, tomb raider 3...hey and maybe next year around this time there'll be LOTR 3 haha. i'm not a fan. Honestly i hated the 1st movie. I wldn't have watched the 2nd one if jo didn't get those free tickets. From someone who doesn't follow the LOTR book series, i think the 2nd movie is much better. I enjoyed it even. Which means those producers are doing a great job to even entertain a non-fan like me heh. quick! ask me whose my fave character!!!!!---Ssssssmeeegurre (the one that goes "preciousssssssss...")
this is very interesting and funny...a man code. a code where all guys have to abide by...snds like bullshit? well, read it and find out...
THE MAN CODE This is it. So it has been written, so it shall be....The CODE
1. Thou shall not rent the movie Chocolate.
2. Under no circumstances may 2 men share an umbrella.
3. Any man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be
legally killed and eaten by his fellow partygoers.
4. When you are queried by a buddy's wife, girlfriend, mother,
father, priest, shrink, dentist, accountant, or dog walker,
you need not and should not provide any useful information
whatsoever as to his whereabouts. You are permitted to deny
his very existence.
5. Unless he murdered someone in your immediate family, you
must bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours.
6. You may exaggerate any anecdote told in a bar by 50 percent
without recrimination; beyond that, anyone within earshot is
allowed to call BULLSHIT. (Exception: When trying to pick up
a girl, the allowable exaggeration rate rises to 400 percent).
7. If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister
is off-limits forever.
8. The minimum amount of time you have to wait for another guy
who's running late is 5 minutes. For a girl, you are required
to wait 10 minutes for every point of hotness she scores on
the classic 1-10 babe scale.
9. Complaining about the brand of free beer in a buddies
refrigerator is forbidden. You may gripe if the temperature
is unsuitable.
10. No man is ever required to buy a birthday present for
another man. In fact, even remembering a friends birthday is
strictly optional and slightly gay.
11. Agreeing to distract the ugly friend of a hot babe that
your buddy is trying to hook up with is your legal duty. Should
you get carried away with your good deed and end up having sex
with the beast, your pal is forbidden to speak of it, even at
your bachelor party.
12. Before dating a buddy's "ex", you are required to ask his
permission and he in return is required to grant it.
13. Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated
as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the
ability to pick a buffalo wing clean.
14. If a man's zipper is down, that's his problem--you didn't
see nothin'.
15. The universal compensation for buddies who help you move
is beer.
16. A man must never own a cat or like his girlfriend's cat.
17. When stumbling upon other guys watching a sports event,
you may always ask the score of the game in progress, but you
may never ask who's playing.
18. When your girlfriend/wife expresses a desire to fix her
whiny friend up with your pal, you may give her the go-ahead
only if you'll be able to warn your buddy and give him time
to prepare excuses about joining the priesthood.
19. It is permissible to consume a fruity chick drink only
when you're sunning on a tropical beach... and it's delivered
by a topless supermodel... and it's free.
20. Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.
21. A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman
must remain sober enough to fight.
22. If a buddy is outnumbered, out manned, or too drunk to
fight, you must jump into the fight. Exception: If within the
last 24 hours his actions have caused you to think, "What this
guy needs is a good ass-whoopin", then you may sit back and
enjoy.
23. Phrases that may NOT be uttered to another man while weight
lifting:
"Yeah, baby, push it!"
"C'mon, give me one more! Harder!"
"Another set and we can hit the showers."
"Nice ass, are you a Sagittarius?"
24. Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice
of pizza, but not both. That's just plain mean.
25. If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you better be
referring to his beer.
26. Never join your girlfriend/wife in dissing a buddy, except
when she's withholding sex pending your response.
27. Never talk to a man in the bathroom unless you're on equal
footing: either both urinating or both waiting in line. In all
other situations, a nod is all the conversation you need.
28. If a buddy is already singing along to a song in the car,
you may not join him...too gay.
-----After reading the rules...u can see what is most important to a guy...things that no guy will give up no matter what.Cuz it actually defines what he is....
it's sex...and the other one is....yes,you've guessed it...his ego.
but guys arent all abt just sex and himself................right?
ann got me a disco ball! haha aint that cool? i hanged it at my window.hehe. when i have the money i'll get myself the super huge one. or maybe like the ones they have at miss selfidge.heh thanks ann! i lurveee it~
jo is gone. he left me. . i miss him.
I'm kinda worried. what if something happens to him? like what if he gets tricked into following someone to this foreign hotel and they force him to star in some sicko porn film and after that they kill him and they sell his internal organs? or what if something like X-files happen--like what if he stared into the mirror too long and he gets sucked in,therefore wiping out his whole existence? what if he gets separated from his family? what if there was a terrorist attack?
Ive got the cough. does that sound weird? ive got the cough. no one says that right? only ive got the flu. im down with the flu.
'ive got the cough' is wrong. If it was right,den people would go around saying "hey man i cant go out, ive got the sneeze."
hm anyway,coughing like a hag these days. to no end. My brain is experiencing such a strain whenever i cough.The feeling is like my brain being held by two men.Not jst any men but those ARNOLD SWORD-SEE-NAY-GERRRR type of men.And the moment i cough, These muscle men grab my brain and squeeze all my smart juices out....My throat feels like it is riping apart from inside...oh gawd...
Presently im drowning myself with huge amounts of cough mixture...so much so that i think that cough mixture is quite tasty...
this has been a really slow day? probably cuz i have nothing to do..bah...as joel wld say.."sad case"...
let's see.i tried to occupy myself with stuff to do....like eating! oh no. was munching on the big heart shape cookie peie char n "pauline" made me,sitting on the couch and doing some channel surfing...soon after i felt like i had to get up to do some kind of exercise so i changed and went down to the gym. hopped onto the treadmill and programed it for a 5km run.haha.i only did 3km..cldnt take it haha.hm 3km in a speed of 7.2km/h so that means..i took a total of.....hm.my maths really sucks duno how to calculate haha. after that exhausting run,i went on to do 50 sit-ups.den i cycled for a few mintues den i climbed up 11 flights of stairs to my house.Upon reaching my doorstep, i swung open the door and was greeted by my dad commenting "back already?so fast." what the??? after such pig-sweating,chest-heaving,painful-panting,face-flushing exercise and he says that? hm..oh well...
I proceded to take a shower,i was so tired that I used my sister's towel by accident haha and i even forgot to bring fresh clothes in haha. After that, jo called me. Told me abt his day.I can say for sure his day was ten times more interesting den mine. He told me about going to his friend's condo to play tennis. Sounds normal u say....well...think again. It's some condo that's worth a total of $6000000000000000 imagine that! A six million dollar condo ha! Hearing joel desrcibe its interior made it sound like some fantasy castle in one of those disney fairytales or one of those beach houses in malibu(think bachelor)
let me see if i got it right...they have a
1:a swimming pool which actually surrounds the whole condo! and it looks like a fountain
2:doormans everywhere
3:a guy who stay by the water cooler to clean of ur fingerprints after u drink from it
4:toilets where you could just lie on the floor.frangent smells lingering around. The Slightest whiff of ammonia,complain and in goes a group of cleaners would rush in and clean the toilet again.(woah talk abt power heh.)
5:tennis courts that amazed joel.cant say much abt this.duno anything abt tennis.
Conclusion:a six million dollar condo offers not only excellent and lavish living conditions but also the use of human slaves haha.
anyway...i realised something...abt joel : ) he can be quite sweet with his words hehe. like...joel was strongly against tannlines haha.he hated it and mentioned time and time again that it disgusts him.and not too long ago.i went sentosa.so i got me some tannlines(not on purpose! me was trying to stay white haha) and now joel says it looks sexy on me hahaahahahhahahhahaha isnt he nice?
hm took this personality test and realise it quite true! ha amazing...
What's there to say about you? You're an initiator of change and are keenly in tune to possibilities... you're enthusiastic, and it's contagious...you're tireless in the pursuit of newfound interests... You can anticipate the needs of others, and offer them needed help and appreciation. You bring zest, livelihood, and fun to all aspects of your life...
You're agreeable, sociable, outgoing and like to imagine yourself in the future... who will you marry? what type of work will you do? where will you live? All questions you ask yourself...you like to keep your options open...you're imaginative...curious...you prefer to understand than judge..
You see endless possibilities. You hate to be boxed into anything -- like a career -- for life...so you hesitate and resist making decisions...always look for new and novel...
You like a learning environment where the teacher takes a personal interest in you...You're motto might be: "There's always a better way or a better answer.."... when you're committed to something, you are enthusiastic to the point of preaching to the whole world about it (...like the Storm Palace?)
Your style of organization is... well, personalized. Others don't really see you as organized, though, do they? YOU know what's where, and there's a "method to your madness," huh?
You have a hard time separating work from leisure, since you have fun while you work. You're always on the lookout for new things... you like learning with others, so you'll invite 'em to join you at films, plays and classes.
When you fall in love, you study the other person in every way. The one you fall in love with is "the best ever" a lot, huh? Sheesh. But others feel unconditionally loved by you ....you fall head over heels and get in love FAST. You are charming...full of vitality...you treat others with sympathy, gentleness, and warmth...
Last part: watch out for losing your focus 'cause you wanna try too many ideas at the same time... you don't prioritize, so you can overload...also, because you're just a fun-loving animal, you might not complete important work and basic responsibilities...
great song.
Artist/Band: david charvet
title: leap of faith
I - I saw you with the look in your eyes
is he come back to make you cry
i am the one to set you free
i need your love so desperately
baby i just need you xxxx a leap of faith (i dun think that the xxxx means any vulgarities hehe)
every promise i make ill never break
let me take your hands ill lead the way
ill wait forever baby
until the stars come crashin down
until the moon no longer shines
thats how long ill wait for you
thats how long ill wait for you
youre the meaning to my life
and until the end of time
thats how long ill wait for you
thats how long ill wait for you
Dont - be afraid to get too close
im gonna love you like you never know
open your heart and come with me
i need you want you cant you see
and if we are oceans apart
you will always be here in my heart
and ill always wait for you
ill always wait for you
Found a great story...descriptive and interesting..and i like the meassage the story is bringing across : )
~Appointment with Love~
Six minutes to six, said the great round clock over the information booth in Grand Central Station. The tall young Army lieutenant who had just come from the direction of the tracks lifted his sunburned face, and his eyes narrowed to note the exact time. His heart was pounding with a beat that shocked him because he could not control it. In six minutes, he would see the woman who had filled such a special place in his life for the past 13 months, the woman he had never seen, yet whose written words had been with him and sustained him unfailingly.
He placed himself as close as he could to the information booth, just beyond the ring of people besieging the clerks...
Lieutenant Blandford remembered one night in particular, the worst of the fighting, when his plane had been caught in the midst of a pack of Zeros. He had seen the grinning face of one of the enemy pilots.
In one of his letters, he had confessed to her that he often felt fear, and only a few days before this battle, he had received her answer: "Of course you fear...all brave men do. Didn't King David know fear? That's why he wrote the 23rd Psalm. Next time you doubt yourself, I want you to hear my voice reciting to you: 'Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I shall fear no evil, for Thou art with me.'" And he had remembered; he had heard her imagined voice, and it had renewed his strength and skill.
Now he was going to hear her real voice. Four minutes to six. His face grew sharp.
Under the immense, starred roof, people were walking fast, like threads of color being woven into a gray web. A girl passed close to him, and Lieutenant Blandford started. She was wearing a red flower in her suit lapel, but it was a crimson sweet pea, not the little red rose they had agreed upon. Besides, this girl was too young, about 18, whereas Hollis Meynell had frankly told him she was 30. "Well, what of it?" he had answered. "I'm 32." He was 29.
His mind went back to that book - the book the Lord Himself must have put into his hands out of the hundreds of Army library books sent to the Florida training camp. Of Human Bondage, it was; and throughout the book were notes in a woman's writing. He had always hated that writing-in-habit, but these remarks were different. He had never believed that a woman could see into a man's heart so tenderly, so understandingly. Her name was on the bookplate: Hollis Meynell. He had got hold of a New York City telephone book and found her address. He had written, she had answered. Next day he had been shipped out, but they had gone on writing.
For 13 months, she had faithfully replied, and more than replied. When his letters did not arrive she wrote anyway, and now he believed he loved her, and she loved him.
But she had refused all his pleas to send him her photograph. That seemed rather bad, of course. But she had explained: "If your feeling for me has any reality, any honest basis, what I look like won't matter. Suppose I'm beautiful. I'd always be haunted by the feeling that you had been taking a chance on just that, and that kind of love would disgust me. Suppose I'm plain (and you must admit that this is more likely). Then I'd always fear that you were going on writing to me only because you were lonely and had no one else. No, don't ask for my picture. When you come to New York, you shall see me and then you shall make your decision. Remember, both of us are free to stop or to go on after that - whichever we choose..."
One minute to six - he pulled hard on a cigarette.
Then Lieutenant Blandford's heart leaped higher than his plane had ever done.
A young woman was coming toward him. Her figure was long and slim; her blond hair lay back in curls from her delicate ears. Her eyes were blue as flowers, her lips and chin had a gentle firmness. In her pale green suit, she was like springtime come alive.
He started toward her, entirely forgetting to notice that she was wearing no rose, and as he moved, a small, provocative smile curved her lips.
"Going my way, soldier?" she murmured.
Uncontrollably, he made one step closer to her. Then he saw Hollis Meynell.
She was standing almost directly behind the girl, a woman well past 40, her graying hair tucked under a worn hat. She was more than plump; her thick-ankled feet were thrust into low-heeled shoes. But she wore a red rose in the rumpled lapel of her brown coat.
The girl in the green suit was walking quickly away.
Blandford felt as though he were being split in two, so keen was his desire to follow the girl, yet so deep was his longing for the woman whose spirit had truly companioned and upheld his own; and there she stood. Her pale, plump face was gentle and sensible; he could see that now. Her gray eyes had a warm, kindly twinkle.
Lieutenant Blandford did not hesitate. His fingers gripped the small worn, blue leather copy of Of Human Bondage, which was to identify him to her. This would not be love, but it would be something precious, something perhaps even rarer than love - a friendship for which he had been and must ever be grateful.
He squared his broad shoulders, saluted and held the book out toward the woman, although even while he spoke he felt shocked by the bitterness of his disappointment.
"I'm Lieutenant John Blandford, and you - you are miss Meynell. I'm so glad you could meet me. May...may I take you to dinner?"
The woman's face broadened in a tolerant smile. "I don't know what this is all about, son," she answered. "That young lady in the green suit - the one who just went by - begged me to wear this rose on my coat. And she said that if you asked me to go out with you, I should tell you that she's waiting for you in that big restaurant across the street. She said it was some kind of a test. I've got two boys with Uncle Sam myself, so I didn't mind to oblige you."
By Sulamith Ish-Kishor
from A 3rd Serving of Chicken Soup for the Soul
Copyright 1996 by Jack Canfield and Mark Victor Hansen
*we interupt this blog for a very important announcment*
ATTENTION TO FRIENDS OF KAT !!!
you may commence countdown to dec 9.spread the word pple heh.geee,actually i have no idea what to do on my bdae...must i do something?got any ideas anyone?besides yummy's idea of touring singapore?!haha
hm.me n jo got new games! but one of them screwed up on me.bah! the price to pay for supporting pirated gds..
warning to reader!! the content of the following blog will be a documentation of events that happened over the past few days of kat's life*yawn*.basically,itz full of crap(and full of spelling errors) but if you do actually read..it might be pretty informative or entertaining ha!
read at ur own risk.well...u've been warned...
doc1 nov 27 wed
this is one of the rare days of the holidays that i got up early..like real early.9am to be precise.and for what?for chris.she asked me to go cjc fer sum hockey thing.Me being adventurous and ever so ready to try new n exciting things,agreed.and so there i was,getting ready..sacrifcing my sleep and forgo-ing one of my slackerised days...(or so i thot)
just before i left,i received a urgent sms frm chris.to call her asap.guesss what?she's still in bed....argh.so there goes the hockey plan.we decided to meet fer some serious job hunting.ok so fastforward to ltr part of the day....
me and chris @ borders.while flipping thru random bks, i had to waste precious minutes on my hp to convince yummy to come down to join us.and aft sum very-hard-to-say-no-to persuasion on my part,she succumbed.ha! i mean like how cld she resist..heh.anyways me n chris were looking at sum tattoo mag.pretty nice..me might get one muahaha...on me lower back or ankle.sum teeeny weeeny tiny one.maybe the size of a one-cent coin?haha..so,back to borders.we headed over to the women's magazine corner got some mags-cleo,seventeen,elle,teenpeople,blahblah and scurried over to some cozy corner under the parenting section.so we plonked on the carpeted floor and started digesting our juicy reads...so engrossed we were that we din notice someone approaching us...slowly this huge shadow came over me and i slowly looked up...there he was a big malay sercuity guard staring down on us.and with his booming voice he ordered that we get the hell outta there.ok i admit i exaggerated...but apparently u cant just plonk urself on the floor,you have to have ur butt seated on the benches they have there to read.bah! it was not like we were disturbing anyone or obstructing any parenting enuthsiast..
hmmm..fastforward somemore----me chris and yummy @ nydc cafe.hm,not much to say.'cept never sit on the inside when on the same row there is some guy with an itchy butt..the whole seat was shaking according to his very rigorous butt movements,much to the displeasure of me n chris,esp since we fought to get seated on the inside...
fastword even more---me and yummy in the 8beam neoprint machine at bishan j8..chris was outside changing the note fer coins...there we were fooling ard with the moveable camera lens thingy...when suddenly....
kat: OOPSSY!
yummy: what?!?
kat: i dropped the coin into the camera lens thingy...
yummy: ...
after much waiting and flidding of the mechanics on the machine...we managed to get the neoprint taken.however chris left earlier...to meet her mama..After taking a look at the neoprint i took with yummy,i can see why chris labelled me "not a neoprint" person...but then again...im not a photo person either :__(
ok end of wed.
doc 2 nov 28 thurs
meet up with chris n her younger sis.we went down to raffles city cafe cartel for an interview.damn! did u noe how many pple turned up?loads...i was number 34.and i turned up quite early too.hmm.was surprised that chris's sis wld wanna work.she's only sec3.so career-minded eh?when i sec 3 all i cld think abt was slack?play me ps...oh i spent lots of time thinking abt joel haha *blush* ok,before i cause anyone to gag out their lunch/dinner/wadever..
here it is...the mother of all questions...the beginning of the end..the never ending story...the...what the hell am i saying?!?!
i meant to ask....
WHAT IS LOVE?
Are your palms sweaty, is your heart racing and is your voice caught within your chest??
It isn't love, it's LIKE.
You can't keep your eyes or hands off of her, am I right??
It isn't love, it's LUST.
Are you proud, and eager to show her off??
It isn't love, it's LUCK.
Do you want her because you know she's there??
It isn't love, it's LONELINESS.
Are you with her because it's what everyone wants??
It isn't love, it'S LOYALTY.
Are you with her because she kissed you, or held your hand?
It isn't love, it's LOW CONFIDENCE.
Do you stay for her confessions of love, because you don't want to hurt her?
It isn't love, it's PITY.
Do you belong to her because the sight of her makes your heart skip a beat??
It isn't love, it's INFATUATION.
Do you pardon her faults because you care about her?
It isn't love, it's FRIENDSHIP.
Do you tell her every day she is the only one you think of?
It isn't love, it's a LIE.
Are you willing to give up all of your favorite things for her sake?
It isn't love, it's CHARITY.
Does your heart ache and break when she's sad?
Then it's LOVE.
Do you cry for her pain, even when she's strong?
Then it's LOVE.
Do her eyes see your true heart, and touch your soul so deeply it hurts?
Then it's LOVE.
Do you stay because a blinding, incomprehensible mix of pain and relation pulls you close and holds you to her?
Then it's LOVE.
Do you accept her faults because it's a part of who she is?
Then it's LOVE.
Are you attracted to others, but stay with her faithfully without regret??
Then it's LOVE.
Would you give her your heart, your life, your death??
Then it's LOVE.
Now, if love is painful, and tortures us so, why do we love?
Why is it all we search for in life? This pain, this agony?
Why is it all we long for? This torture, this powerful death of self? Why?
The answer is so simple cause it's...LOVE.
It is such an addictive thing that even people who are not having it wish to experience it and share it with others as well.
its gonna be hard...without the support of my mum....without the support of my friends...without the support of jo...
no matter what they say...i have to do it. however words can bring me down....
this year...has been...hard. many times i wished it was a bad dream...one that i cld wake up from and make all the right decisions...
JAN-FEB was spent @ srjc...i must admit it was fun.my classmates were a different bunch of people...first time i experienced sch life outside of PL...the volleyball sessions.the stupid dance audition..ooh! and that horrible tennis trial..i mean, what was i thinking?...ha,actually im glad i went thru all that.
MARCH...i was alrdy pon-ing sch.ha! such stupid girl i was(or still am?)...when you're in a jc for the 1st 3mths...you tend to pick out all the faults..and proclaim that xxxxJC sucks and that you are definately not gonna stay(unless of course you're in the top 5 jcs...)anyway there i was...poning sch like no body's business..up to a point where my CT had to call me up. decided to officially quit sch to stop her from bugging me over the phone.end of march..got the dreadful results..16..hmph..i was aiming for a 12 or better.where on earth can a 16 bring me? cj of cuz..sr was out the question..how cld i go back there?
APRIL-MAY was spent trying to adjust to reality.2mths to adjust?yes it was that hard.
friend:"so kat,howz cj?"
me:"ok loh."
friend:"ur class?"
me:"ok loh."
friend:"how many guys?"
me:*stick out my fingers and toes,and start to count*"hm,abt 16"
friend:"wa! den how many girls?"
me:"let's see..if i add myself..it comes up to a grand total of 3 girls in my class"
friend:"...."
what theeeeeee???? so little za borrrrrr in my classssss? i will dieeee...what abt girl-bonding?what abt emergency pad needs?what abt honing my group hearding instinct of mass toilet migration?
actually it was getting better...not great fun but can survive.....barely heh.
JUNE i realised i wanted out.out of cj...into the wonderful world of poly.next to jc...poly seemed to be perfect.freedom..no one to bug you.no one to scold u.no one naggin at you...its you on your own..
the idea of the forbidden fruit can be protrayed in many situations....
for example yesterday...i had a taste of that....i was caught between two choices....and these choices concern my future...thus it took up alot of my time...time wasted pondering on it...time wasted on bugging friends and family with it...once my mind was idle (and that is probably 90% of my waking life) thoughts would naturally drift to it...my imagination generated vivid images of how it wld be like like if i chose one over the other...but no matter how powerful my imagination is...it cld never tell me which is the better choice...it aint that easy anymore...previously everything was decided by my parents...and if things turn out wrong...i cld still blame them (i admit ttz a childish act...but who hasnt done that?) now...it in my hands....make the choice...suffer/enjoy the consequences...anyways...i was tokking abt the forbidden fruit...@ 1st i had the choice over 2 destinies...i was hesistant...VERY hesistant...but as time passes the right choice seems clearer and clearer....but it was too late...i wanted it....but it closed up on me...
imagine this...you are on a mrt platform....there are two trains..one on each side of the platform...u stand there...alone...reluctant to move at all...but u know you have to make a choice...the trains will take you to different destinations...on the train you will meet and make friends wift different pple...you stand there...confused lost...you cry out for help...ard you...you can hear echos of familar voices chanting " it's your choice.....it's in your hands...you have to chooseeeee...."
you shut your eyes...place your hands over your ears as you try to hear the little voice inside you....calling out to you..telling you the RIGHT choice...as you struggle to make out what it was saying...a loud sound burst thru your concentration "TTUTUTUTUUTUT"....shit!!! the doors are closing!!!!!! u feel like you are thrown into a frenzy as you run from train door to door...you cant help but hesistate...cuz you noe in ur heart you havent decided yet...suddenly you hear a voice..."just say it....say u'll stay....just stay...stayyyyyyyy".....in the midst of the chaos...your brain willingly accepts the foriegn voice...accepts it idea...and you decided to stay....right that moment ....time freezes....the dooors of both trains close halfway...everything seemed to have stopped...everything except ur mind.....................you start to think.......you begin to realise........but is it too late? you dun want to stay....the old train hold too many painful memories....you want to start anew...although you might be alone...laughed at..discriminated....but you have no choice...........you run to the othe train...you stretch out your hand.....and the dooor just closes right in front of you.........you scream.....but no sound comes out
........you are too late...
right now....before the new school year begins..i still have a chance...i have a choice....to persist or not...well...im gonna try...i have to shut out what others say...cuz this is my future...not theirs.....
there is this new persona in the music scene ...it is the punky rocker chick persona...maybe it has always been part of the music scene but now it has a face...a pretty face in fact...who else but---see above...everybody adores her :) haa...for a variety of reasons...one her attitude...rebel! rebel! go against whatever u can go against...haa......second her songs...catchy...nice..er..ttz abt it...third her look...a fresh new look..tie and all..her gone are the days of pop princess with the sch girl outfit...fourth...her hairrr...gosh..makes every girl sooo jealous ha..
when did i 1st hear abt her...hm...i think it was the radio..power98?...rem identifying with the lyrics..complicated..ha..
"I like you the way you are~When we're drivin in your car~And you're talkin to me one-on-one~But you become~Somebody else~ Round everyone else~Watchin your back~Like you can't relax~You tryin to be cool~You look like a fool to me"
...yep..was listening out for the name of the artist..and heard the dj struggle with her name.."aaavvvreeeel LAveeen"...i was like ok...initially i thot she wld be like the michelle branch type...after i saw her complicated mtv...i thot i was cool...mean like crashing the mall..ha ttz fun...nobody does that in spore..*sobz*...and by the time youngsters start the crashing the mall...ill be the age where i have to conform to society's rules...boo..hmm..but her 2nd video..kinda boring if u ask me...same theme as papa roach's mtv...was hoping she actually shot the video in a way that really protrays a cute skater boy and a stuck-up bitch ha...
anyway...y am i talking abt her? hmm....due to the significant increase of young girls worshipping her...following her...abit too closely...argh..me thinks when avril grows older she'll be like countney love haa..
ooh..guys like avril too...not for her songs...haa ,right jo?
i tell you its the hairrrrrrrrrr
ok...this post is up due to popular demand (kat's such a liar. no one reads this blog unless they are forced to by you)
In the past few days...the time i spent at home is dedicated in to playing my playstation...(no life eh?)...and as time goes by..there is this specific part of my body that increases slowly steady and worse....sliently......(no,its not my b*****ts...unfortunately. free implants! woho!) itz me tummy...
tummytummy.....hey rem the commercial on channel 5 eons ago?abt a reducing ur tummy by drinking sum kind of health drink? i think it was called tummy no more...haa..i think i need one of those now....
arghhhhhh....this has not been my day! figured out how to add comments BUT why is it next to the freaking date? it looks damn ugly...?shldnt it be at the bottom of the post? who the hell puts it put there??????
itz amazing how I can do it time and time again...even when I tell myself not to....somethings are just out of my control...
Each time...immediately after I have done the un-changable...said the words that are un-take-a-backle...(aka words that cant be taken back)...I REGRET...and I feel horrible...this heavy weight in my heart and this powerful headache in my head...
"Save me O God, for the waters have come up to my neck.
I sink in the miry depths, where there is no foothold.
I have come into deep waters; the floods engulf me.
I am worn out calling for help; my throat is parched."
What's the best aspect of the Taurus-Sagittarius relationship? The new perspectives they can give each other once each partner becomes familiar with their distinctive philosophies. Theirs is a stable and happy relationship once they understand and accept these differences.
wellwell..i know very well i shldnt be here...oh well...anyway juz watched this thriller?on tv...based on the novel OUTBREAK by robin cook...the title alone reminds u of that movie with little cute monkey that turned on itz owner n bit him and started a series of..well,outbreaks...and the map of the usa showing tiny red dots here and there and in a matter of nano-seconds it fills up...blosoming into a huge blop og crimsion red.....nup no that movie...another one...but it was real interesting...had those screens when u actually hold ya breath and tense ya whole body.....
----damn, im so freaking bored~
well hope jo has a freaking gd time at the camp....and i hope i have a freaking gd time freezing in sch hall..trying to put my numb fingers to work....im so gona do badly for this ppr,..........................
*tmr is the last day i can change my mind abt going yj.....aft tmr...it BYEBYE catholic junior college...hallooooo yishunnnnnn*
just had to put this in here...maybe for future reference?
10 steps to enjoying each other better
1. Be realistic about each other.
Don't try to turn ur partner into something he or she is not. Let's face it, guys-there's only 1 Pamela Anderson in the world, and even she has had her implants removed! Give ur gal a break and understand that her physical appearance is NOT going to change overnite with the help of a few facials or treatments. And ladies, Brad Pitt has already been taken, so
u're gonna have to do with what ur guy is like! Chill out, love each other for what u are. There is more to ur partner than what meets the eye.
2. Always talk things out.
Now guys, I know this is not ur fave pastime or mode of resolving issues, but u know what? This works with the gals. Don't make assumptions about each other's feelings. Learn to xpress urself better so that ur partner understands what u're angry about, or hurt about, or even happy about! When u stop talking to each other from the heart, it's the beginning of the end.
3. Do stuff together.
Make an effort to do things together. Do some sports or involve
urselves in some shared activities; something both of u enjoy or are interested in. It could be as simple as watching movies together, or jus strolling hand-in-hand down Orchard Road. Watch soccor with him once in a while though the green patch on TV puts u to sleep in 3 seconds. And guys, do give in if ur gal asks for another day at window-shopping, rather than suggest that she go out with her girlfriends for "that sort of activities" instead. If u're spending more time with ur friends rather than with ur partner, it's a warning sign that u're drifting apart!!!
4. Meet each other halfway.
If he agrees to throw out that rotten T-shirt with the "The_Rock" print, u shouldn't kick up much of a fuss if he asks u to keep ur room tidy. There's gotta be a little giving and taking in a relationship, so learn to meet each other halfway.
5.Show ur love
Buy her flowers or candy or perfume everynow and then, even if u have been together for 5years. It's wonderful to continue showing someone that u care for him or her. Cook him a special meal, paint him a Valentine's Day card. Knit him mini-socks he can't wear ( like for decoration purposes =>), buy him a packet of milk for breakfast, or pack his wardrobe for him...so he knows u can still be romantic and loving despite having been
together for quite a while.
6. Respect each other.
Sop making jokes about her hair or skin, or whatever it is u love to laugh at. Ask urself if she thinks if its funny. And if he has an inferiority complex about his height, stop ogling at tall guys and make him feel worse! Love is about respecting each other's feelings and being sensitive to each other at all times.
7. Bury the past.
Stop bringing up the past. Gals..don't bring up the happy things about u and ur ex to ur guy, it would jus make him jealous or unhappy. And guys, don't talk about the happy times that u had with ur ex or mention about her in ur every other sentence as it would make ur gal feel un-happy and she might think that u saying all this b'cos u are gonna get back with ur ex or not interested in her anymore.
8. Sit on ur jealousy.
All of us go thru' spells of insecurity at the beginning of the
relationship, but don't translate that insecurity into jealousy. If u're gonna go through ur partner's mail and cupboard, and eavesdropping on conversations, u know something is wrong - with u!!! Jealousy is like a poison that slowly spreads thru' the relationship before finally killing it. Trust ur partner; love has to have trust in it.
9. Keep ur commitments to each other.
If ur partner is standing u up all the time and cancelling dates and breaking promises, u need to talk! If u're in a relationship, make ur partner ur priority and don't disappoint them if u can help it. It's really terrible when someone promises to take u to dinner, and then calls to cancel it. Don't make promises u can't keep. If ur partner starts to feel
that he/she is not important enough to u, u may jus lose him/her.
10. Be honest.
Honesty is not scowling at how awful she looks first thing in the morning, or telling him that he has the biceps of a fly~! When we say "be honest", we mean expressing ur feelings clearly, not being bitingly cruel. When u're hurt, say so, and when u're angry, tell him/her, w/o getting hysterical. If u can't be honest with ur partner, who can u be honest with?
Love is also about honesty, and a relationship where no honesty exists probably isn't worth it!
five days to chinese ppr..so not ready for it....i wanna try and get a B3...i know in order to get a B3 or even come close to it i must study...put in my best...late nights...blahblah...but late nights with chinese??!!?!
Over the past few days...I have made a VERY important decision...everybody...im going to YJ...*GASP!* yessss...u heard me right...yj it is...when i get there...by hook or by crook (never understood tt expression) i must get into the council...and ill join some other cca..im thinking sports...odac?touch rugby?tennis?...but the hardest thing to do...wld be to don on the pl uniform yet again...
there wld be alot of things i have to go thru and face next year...but ill have to stick to my decision....
hmmm...ok...so i was wrong...i din sign/not sign tt stupid contract at all...din even get to see it...
me n me parents are going down tmr...TMR will be the DAY!
hahahahahhaha
now im a gay boy????!?!??!
What Type Of Anime Character Are You? brought to you by Quizilla You're A Yaoi Boi (Gay Boy)! Sensitive and caring, you just want some boyXboy love! Is that too much to ask?
:_(
juz goes to show how inaccurate these quizzes are....
here i go again...ive been asking practically everyone and anyone the same irritating question over and over again...
C or Y??? i cant choose! the decision wld seriously affect my future..i want to make the best and most suitable decision for my future...each has its own set of gd points and each has itz own good stuff i can make use and exploit to better my chances of getting into a university and to get into the course i want...damn...my gosh.....i really dun want to make the wrong mistake,...
but once i mak the decision i mustnt look bacK!!!(something i am very prone to doing...)
ah...time is running out...by tmr i wld have signed/not sign a contract that bonds me to C...and leaving me in the crutches of the very menacing bro paul...
special note to jo:all the best for thurs and friday...u can do it...just pop more "i love u" sweets hee..
ok...be4 i go....i must ask u this question that has been bugging forever...C or Y????
today i underestimated the simple act of holding hands...(with sumone special of cuz hee...not sum tom dick or harry...or mary liza or jane for our male counterparts...)
Earlier on i was watching this show...the female lead was having the most realistic nightmare..of cuz at the climax of her nightmare(eg pointing a gun at a loved one,losing ur grip and falling off a huge cliff...u get the idea...)she wakes up gasping fir air.. jerking up frm her bed and immediately someone grabs her hand and keeps it in a firm embrace...she looks up and found herself looking directly into her lover's(male lead) reassuring eyes...and in the most smoothing voice he whispered "dun worry...im here"
i had a similar experience today..although it wasnt as dramatic but the effect was as powerful if not more...
something was really bothering me and i had all sorts of negative feelings(scared,irritated,confused,lost,alone,afriad,blahblah...my male lead was all along walking beside me in silence but i dun think he cld feel exactly what i was feeling or what was going thru my head (unless he has super powers or sum sort..no one cld have known) And when we were gona cross the overhead brigde...his hand just slip behind mine and fingers interlocked...at that instant this feeling of relief just came over me...automatically,i just smiled a small smile to myself...that gesture made me feel like im not alone...no words were needed i just felt a little calmer...
thanks jo..erhm...i mean male lead hee :)
ok itz 9 days to my chinese ao
...and once again i find myself infront of my com..typing away..(actually mst of my online time is spent clicking away..feeling real lz in recent days even pushing those little cube-ish blocks of letters seem tedious to me..)
if i carry on like this (which i most probably will) i can forget abt getting free periods next yr and i can kiss my final farewell to studying chinese gdbye...(hm weird sentence did i juz use farewell n gdbye?dun they mean the same thing?yep they do..so whats ya pt?get back to ur blog)...and ill have to retake chinese again! i use the word again cuz i did tt in sec4...been there done that..yawn cld we move on to CLb?
damn..this reminds me of *FLASHBACK TO SEC4...*
we were all gathering in the hall...all the sec4/5 were in their classes...in unorganised messy blopps of grp...
sec4E was in one of the corners(i think) all seated comfortably ard our chinese teacher...next to us...was another blop of sec4gurls...frm 4A...and one of the gurls was reading out the grades one by one..."XYZ u got an A1...ABC, u got an A2..."aft reciving their results, each ..wld exclaim in delight/jump in the air/hug a friend/cry...
there i was looking at them...in envy?i duno...but i sure wish i wld be exclaiming in delight/jumping in the air/hugging my friend/crying when i get mine..ok...so my teacher read sec4E's results out one by one..i was pretty confident..i mean all i wanted was a B3....when she called my name,in my head i was chanting B3 B3 B3...den i heard...B4!!!!
.......................in the end i only got to hug my friends and cry...
here's story two
brief history:abt our very 1st meeting :)
Walking out of her room she involuntarliy got a glance of herself in the mirror..."damn what am i wearing???" she screamed to herself as she viewed her own attire with merciless critism......a pink sleveeless top...paired with a a white flora skirt...with a single pink pin in her hair....what is he gona think of me??? some feimine shit? some guys like those sporty girls who would rather die than wear a skirt besides their sch U...plus he's such a sport guy...plays tennis...ah...wad i wld give to see him play...bet he'll look so cool...!!! damn..got carried away...is he gona think im not sporty enuff for him?n im not tt feminine either...
Taking in a huge breath, she firmly marched out of her room and onto the street outside..."got to get to jingmei's hse...n get her opinion on this outfit...ill go crazy if i look at myself sumore..."
Upon entering jingmei hse...she found jingmei on a red plastic chair(those commonly sighted at coffee shops) and her jingmei's older sister applying all sorts of cream foundation lipstick gloss eyeshadow n all this shit on to jingmei's face...
"oh kat,im so glad ure here...what my sis to help u?"....
*what? n make me look like sum wayang actress crossed with a prositute? no thanks!...*
"erhm......" kat said helplessly as jingmei's older sista looked at her from head to toe...as if seeing if kat passed the grade anot...she half expected her to sae "THIS ONE NO HOPE EVEN I CANT SAVE HER"
"no thanks...i think i prefer remaining as plain jane..."
"ok what ever suit urself"
she was surprised to find herself heaving a sigh of relief as jingmei' sista finally stopped staring at her....
*AFTER WHAT SEEMED LIKE AN ETERNITY*....
"ok kat im done!....see aint i preeeeettttttyyyyy?"
she looked up to find her best friend covered in all sorts of....erhm..stuff...now jingmei's body looked like it belonged to someone else...er face was so white n her body tanned..she looked like someone chopped of her head and place it on a indian (no offense..a 100% non-racist remark..the author is a lover of all races reliogion n what have u on this planet..k,now that we got all that cleared up...let's continue with the story)
here's story one...
brief history:this is abt our 1st valentines day...as a non-couple
"Many years ago a young man, who was totally clueless about girls, He bought a HUGEEEE poOh bear for this girl whom he really liked. Once he bought it he knew he couldn't go wrong...with such a cute thing on his hands no girl could say no. With much anticipation he waited for her....the hours ticked by...the girl was late (as usual)...suddenly the wait was over...there she was...looking all shy and awkward...he walked towards her holding pooh in his hands...she seemed to not notice pooh with his bright yellow fur and tiny shirt...she was hiding....thru out the whole day the girl din talk much...no one said anything about Pooh bear...as the day wore on...the young man could feel his heart ache...how could she ignore my present? I saved esp. for her....finally it was time to go home...the girl boarded the bus...not even taking pooh with her....the young man remained still...thru inside his heart was literally breaking....he passed it to his friend to managed to give it to the girl just be4 the bus left....
the girl was feeling horrible...she didn't want the young man to give her such an big n expensive looking poohbear...it wasn't one of those passar malam shit...it was those Disney shit...she sat on the upper-deck of the bus...looking at poohbear beside her...
she decided she would return it to him the next time she saw him...too much of an expensive gift to accept...but...the more she looked...the more she was taken in by its happy face...cheerful grin....yellow fur...which looked so soft...she couldn't hold it back any longer...she reached out her hand to touch pooh....
ah such softness...she din quite expect it...holding pooh closer she cuddled it...ah...immediately made-up images of her cuddling the young man appeared...shocked and red-faced she put poohbear down....
quietly...she thought to herself....could he be as soft?.......
ok...im gonna post some stories here..me dear jo inspired me to write haa...to put on the webby he made for us :)
itz kinda halfway...got loads more to come haa
:)
im so happy
haa...my jo is the sweetest...the webby he made is so cutee...and it makes me laugh too~ his drawings no difference from those done by little kindergarden kids hee...i really like it jo! haa esp the bee that looks like a bird haa...geee..looking at the webby just make me smile...thanks jo...
why is it my parents show no sense of responsibility towards the tasks they set each other to do?
its horrible to see or hear them nag at each other to get the chores done.Just 10minutes ago i ended up hanging the clothes my father was supposed to hang hours ago.Now the clothes have a funny smell...
why?!?!
damn...my dad just called me to boil water for him....if tmr he asks me to fetch his newspapers,he will by then successfully acquired the position of CEO of the you-do-what-i-tell-you-to-do-no-BUTS-you-are-my-slave company...
ok..wad day is it?sunday..damn sch tmr...not looking forward to it at all...although itz only 2 more weeks of sch be4 we all break off for the hols(hence begins the serious mugging for chinese) i still totally dread school...
hai..im not gonna give a shit abt how u actually work this thing...juz gonna treat it like my diary..
anyway todae was a non-sch day...apparently cj has itz graduation for the j2s todae n no sch for the j1s...
so i slept in...but got disturbed by chris...we ended up "studying" at my study...doing what girls do best ...talk....
on the topic of JCz...hai...i have decided to shine~ at yj next yr...i have no choice actually...i wan to do my best and get into uni and get a gd job to support my parents...i noe making it to the uni and graduating doesn't get u a job but it sure beats NOT having a degree to back u up...i honestly hope i can do what i like in the future and earn big bucks at the same time...isn't that what everybody wants?
one degree course at ntu called communication studies interests me...maybe ill go check it out some more...i think i work bt=etter and harder with a goal in mind...
ltr in the day met up with jo..haa 1st time seeing his botak head...i prepared myself mentally in case i freak out at the sight of him...
surprisingly i didn't...cuz he did look quite gd...cool actually...like those funky bald men on the streets...suddenly kinda admire pple who shave botak...got guts...and if they manage to look gd with not a single strand of hair on their head it wld certainly prove that they are above average-looking...hee...like my jo...but can't tell him this or his head ,which is very prone to swelling,wld probably blow up hee...
anyway i found out that every time i go out with jo i always get pissed becuz of something...n that something is usually very small...
hai,........
anyway i must constantly remind myself of the 2 promises
1:be more decisive
2:don't procastinate...
